Am I Suppose to Feel This Way?

What you feel as you grieve can confuse and discourage you. But you may be surprised to find that your mix of emotions and responses are completely normal. We hope these simple facts will help you to understand and trust what you are experiencing.

• Grief is a normal and necessary response to loss. It is your way of adjusting physically, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and socially to a change you did not want.
• You may feel tired, unable to sleep, or want to sleep most of the time.
• You may feel hungry or you may not want to eat at all. You might feel worried and excited at the same time.
• You might have trouble concentrating and remembering things.
• Sadness, anger, fear and guilt are common; don¹t let them scare you, even if you experience several different emotions at the same time.
• Talk with someone you trust about your feelings, or to write them down in a notebook.
• Don't be surprised or discouraged when grief shows up out of the blue. It's normal and it's okay.
• Grief has changed your life completely. Although you cannot go back to being who you were, you can live fully as who you are now.
• Remember that even though your loved one has died, the love you shared has not. Establish new daily patterns that help you solidify your new identity. Rearrange the furniture to make a space just for you. Set a new time for daily walks. Write in a journal every day.
• Reach out for help.

Books, brochures, and videos are available at your local libraries, bookstores and through New Leaf Resources at 1-800-346-3087.

Develop a Board of Directors

When you are grieving, it is very normal to feel out of control. It is also normal to feel alone and abandoned or frightened when it comes to making decisions that can involve normal life issues. Just as any corporation has a Board of Directors to advise and give counsel, it is important for you to develop your own Board.

Identify areas in your life where you think you might need advice or assistance and prepare your Board so you have all names and contact information within arms reach, so you are not caught unprepared if you have an emergency. You might consider some of the following:

• Spiritual Advisor
• Financial Advisor
• Legal Advisor
• Mechanic, plumber, carpentry or household repairs
• Child rearing
• Confident/listener

If you are having difficulty coming up with names, try this exercise. You may be surprised how quickly you can fill the voids. List up to six people for each question.

When you go out of town, who do you ask to keep an eye on your house?

With whom do you talk about decisions related to your work? In the past three months, which friends and relatives have helped with tasks around your house (painting, furniture moving, etc.)?

Excluding people you may supervise, who comes to you to talk about their job problems and decisions?

In the past three months, which friends and relatives have helped with tasks around your house (painting, furniture moving, etc.)?

Who have you assisted?

Who do you get together with to talk about hobbies, interests?

When you are worried about some personal matter, with whom do you talk?

Who comes to you to talk about personal problems?

List the people with whom you have visited, had to dinner parties, or seen socially in the past three months.

In an emergency situation, who could you ask for money?

Are there people who are important to you, but you have not listed, so far? (It doesn't matter whether you like them or not, just that they are significant in your life.)

Count the total number of people you have listed. These are the people you can call upon for support and encouragement. You do not have to handle grief or stress alone.